Apr 26, 2014

The pit stop

This two-week semester break is the most blessed holiday I could ever get. Although I regretted not studying as what I planned to do when I'm at home (I knew the plan would end up disastrously), I could at least be proud that I did some reading. It might not be enough, but the effort was there.

There, there. Clap clap.

But the overall effect of going home for two weeks is the motivation boost. I was a bit down and dispirited for months and the panic at the thought of final exam was really not helping so when more than one boost arrived I could feel my spirit lifted a bit.

I think going out with my friends really helped a lot. It gave me a drive to pass my degree so I can be be my own man venturing into the wide wild world, exactly like what most of my friends are doing right now. Some of them are already ahead and running, some are grasping for lifeline and some are stumbling along the hard wall of obstacles they called life. I may not know what I will become but failing in my degree is not one of them.

The next thing that motivates me is when the relatives visited our house. The way they are impressed by what I am doing right now in itself already gave me passive motivation to impress them and to make them stay impressed for the rest of their life. Plus the sparkled glow shone from my parents' eyes when the relatives ask me questions makes me think that yes, I can survive this. I will survive this. Let the glow brightens forever.

And the last bit of motivation came earlier this morning when we visited the show house of the one my brother bought in Kota Tinggi. It was very nice to have your own house bought by your own money despite the high property price and especially as well when your salary is not like a businessman's. My mother was very proud of my brother. She hugged him and the smile of her face as she looked at the house and at her son is simply priceless.

So there: motivation. I have 80+ days to go before my final exam. It's already hard to get motivation; it is extra difficult to maintain them, and that worries me a lot. Things have to change now. No more lazying around. I have to read and read and read and write and write and write and remember, remember, remember! So I have to off my laptops: no blogging, no tumblr, no more games. Can I stay away from my phone? That's hard, but I have to try. Apart from twitter, there's nothing I can get from my phone anyway. Days of happiness are long gone now. It's do or die now. And I choose to not die. Not for another 2 and a half freaking years.

Adios, blog. I'm logging out.

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