The Half-submerged Duck

First and foremost, an apology.

I skipped blogging for almost two long months. During those time, a number of things had happened. Some days were monotonous while on some days events were taking place like a raging storm. Notably, again, I didn't write anything during the month of holy Ramadan. Nothing enticing happened, either. This is the second fasting month that I felt I could have done more but a sick spell made me feel weak throughout the month. This strain of malaise is particularly strong and I was crying out for mercy by the end of it.

I was really out of it for quite some time and thus, my laptop remained untouched. I felt the need to blog, to pour over my thoughts into the cauldron of strewn words and undulated stirred emotions was a bit too much for me to handle. Plus, I normally sit down and write with the company of a cup (or two) of coffee somewhere in the cafe anyway (wow, vogue) of which is unattainable when you are fasting.

Secondly, a brief recollection of memories.

Things pretty much had fallen into place. I am becoming more cautious yet confident in seeing patients. True, every mistake is a great tool for learning. I disapprove that mistakes are the greatest teacher. They are simply the tool for you to improve. You still need someone, or sometimes the whole faculty of a department, to tell you what are the things you do wrong and why is it so and what to do instead in the future. They are your teachers. They can be anyone, from consultants to the medical students, so I learnt to be humble and swallow down my ego. Only the other day I learnt how to do a HiNT examination from a houseman (also a colleague) and I'm forever grateful for it. Being arrogant doesn't lead you anywhere, only backwards.

I learnt to stop antagonizing every little thing that irritates me. Sometimes I succumbed in my stress, but alhamdulillah, I feel that I score well in that department. I amazed that all my anger or frustration or annoyance stem out from my colleagues rather than my patients. Well, I only curse to myself about the patients that are abusing the service in green zone. I do managed to find bits and pieces of satisfaction when working in ED or at locum clinic, tho. Patients who thanked me, wishing me well, or those who simply still being civil after waiting for hours for consultation - they are what makes my job here bearable.


I managed to get into good rapport with most staff here in ED. Some of the MAs really like working with me in the same overlapping shifts because apparently I "work fast and confident in discharging patients" .Well, I do take it as a compliment although I know that they really like it because the more I discharge, the less patients they have to attend to LOL.


I was scheduled into roster with other newer floaters and it felt really weird for them to come to me to discuss cases. I accepted it with grace - overall, the more cases I know of the more I could learn from it. Although not many, I do helped out the housemen as well. I think I did okay - no condescending tone, no harsh words, encouragement given etc. Well if any of you reading this felt eh, poyo, this is far from the truth! - forgive me for being a bitch.


The only concern for me is that for this long 6 months of working in ED, my exposure in working in resus (red zone) gradually waned. I only worked twice in this half year in red zone, and I am afraid I will be stuck in limbo when true emergency happened in front of me. If you recalled, I am still very much poor in intubation, in handling ventilation settings and in administering emergency medicine boluses. With other things in my mind and my decision to drop from taking FRCEM Primary paper this year, I pretty much had neglected opening up any book to study.

I think it's prime time for me to turn things around. I just need a few adjustments, a refresh outlook of way of life, and a rekindled spirit to resume my chase for the professional paper. These all take time to materialize, partly because I was so busy in these past two months, and another reason is because I was waiting for the next chapter of my life. Of the latter, which now brings us to this,




The third matter and at long last, an update!

• On 30th May, right out of the blue, there's an update from the semakerjaya website regarding the contract or permanent offer. You can imagine the mounting pressure and trepidation when opening the website and logging in to check your status. Alhamdulillah, I got the permanent offer as a Medical Officer UD41 (not 44, wait, there's more to this). Some of us did not make it, and based on what I knew so far, the first cohort of us here who completed the housemanship program without a day of extension managed to get a permanent offer. 
• But there's some outliers here. I've heard people from some hospitals weren't as lucky as we are. I don't pretend to know what's going on exactly, but my most educated guess is that there's simply way more qualified doctors than the permanent position available to be offered.
• Those who were offered either contract OR permanent position as a medical officer UD41 were unofficially called the first cohort. Those who their names are still not in system are in subsequent cohorts, depending on the order of who finished the housemanship first and had their documents all sorted out.
• On 13th June, again there was an update from the semakerjaya, but this time regarding the placement place for those in the first cohort, contract and permanent alike. I was praying like crazy not to be transferred out to East Malaysia and guess what, I got my second choice!! I mean, okay, I actually didn't think much of the state and there's some out-of-reach areas there but hey, not bad indeed. 

• Yesterday, we received further emails regarding accepting the position offered and more documents to be filled like usual. Now, this is entering our usual territory of paperwork so no issues there.
• Yesterday as well, six of us floaters from ED who got the placement prepared a farewell party to all the ED staff. Well, five of us, seeing that I already went back home to enjoy my week holiday LOL.
• I am supposed to settle a few checklist with my hospital's admin before leaving it for good. In this short week as well I would need to do a medical check up and get an akuan sumpah form stamped and signed by a Commissioner of Oath. 
• I tried calling the people at the Jabatan Kesihatan Negeri about any chance of me finding out the exact placement in the state (whether it's a KK or a hospital, a district or a tertiary) but after a few excuses I had a strong suspicion that they will only release my exact placement on the day of reporting in, which is on Monday the 24th.
• Regarding the offer itself, it is of UD41 although we had completed our housemanship. It will take some (a year, roughly) of working as an MO before your grade will be changed officially to UD44, together with some adjusted added salary. My advice is, don't fret about it as it will happen eventually.

That's it for now. I guess this will be the last entry of mine under the label floating MO. It has been a long, but fulfilling experience working in ED here. Till we meet again, see you when I see you~!